A question we ask ourselves so many times through our life. For me it could be answered several different ways, I could say I am a father, a husband, a brother, or a son. Some days I could even say I am stubborn; I am an asshole, or I am broken. 

I am broken…I try not use those words lightly, as I know others do not always see the damage. For so long it was so easy hiding behind a smile, saying “I am fine” but as I got older those smiles became harder and harder to form. 

Maybe I thought it was easier to just hide everything I was going through, building walls to keep others from getting close enough to see me how I viewed myself, a failure. The phrase, “I am my worst critic” fit perfectly, and with every internal conversation the wall seemed to only grow.

For the longest time I swore my family curse was the elite level of stubbornness or inability to control our anger but the last several years I have come to realize that it’s not as easy as that. The inability to process our emotions, creating the fear of allowing others in and pushing the ones we love away is the cycle I must break. 

Today, I am beyond afraid I am not the example I should be for my sons. I accept that I will fail at times, but I promise to give them the best of me every day.

One deep breath, two steps forward and three words, I love you